What actually happens during a sex coaching session?
So, you’re considering meeting with a sex coach - hooray! Way to take your sexuality and pleasure in your own hands! But maybe you’re feeling a little unsure about what actually happens during sex coaching? No reason to fear - I’ve laid it all out below.
First of all, sex coaches do not have sex with clients. Neither do sex therapists for that matter. Sex coaches and therapists should not touch you for any reason—unless perhaps to shake your hand upon meeting, if you are ok with that.
Ok phew, we’ve gotten that out of the way. Down to business.
Step 1: Establish Your Goals
The first step is to share what you hope to achieve through sex coaching. This might be discussed a bit in a discovery call or free consultation, but much of your initial session will delve into this topic. You may not know right away—and that’s ok! Your coach is there to help you from the very beginning.
Some of the most common goals I hear from clients:
I want to feel more connected to my sexual desires or sexual identity
My relationship is in a sex rut - please help!
My body and desires have changed—how can I reconnect to them?
I have no idea what I want in bed, or how to ask for it!
Step 2: Build Self-Intimacy Awareness
Now we know what outcome you’re looking to achieve, we’ll unpack your motivations, expectations and barriers to getting there. This is where working with a coach who approaches this topic with empathy, safety and without shame is deeply important.
This step happens throughout the process, and ensures the solutions, tools and resources you discuss with your coach are right for you, so we can ensure you’re successful!
Step 3: Create an Action Plan
Your goal might be to ignite the spark between you and your partner, or “not feel so dead inside” (real client goal example). We’ll explore what that goal actually looks like in your life by creating bite-size steps to get there. So in the “dead inside” example above, the action plan included things like writing a list of foods that were pleasurable to eat, experimenting with different types of touch, and stopping.scrolling.so.much.
Your coach will give you homework in between sessions (but the fun kind, like “masturbate at least twice”) and suggestions, resources, and scripts to be successful.
Step 4: You Do a LOT of Reflection
As you work on taking the bite-size steps to achieving your goal, your coach will ask you to reflect on the experience. This is a time to check in and see if you felt enjoyment, discomfort, awkwardness, excitement—or something else entirely. Your coach will ask you to reflect on both your mind and body experience - what thoughts are coming up? How do you feel in your body? What was your gut reaction? Much of this process is aimed at reintegrating our bodies with our brains.
I always tell my clients that this isn’t pass/fail. They won’t be graded on their “homework” - and in fact, avoiding doing it, hating the experience of it, or feeling like you failed is super important data in getting to know you better. Your job is to be mindful of your experience, be honest with yourself, and communicate about it as best you can. Your coach is there to help you fine-tune your goals and achieve them.
Step 5: We Set You Up for Everyday Success
We’re on the path to reaching your goal (or in some cases, the goal you didn’t realize you had at first)! Hooray! This is just the beginning of your new journey with pleasure, sex and self-intimacy. Unlike traditional therapy, the coaching relationship is meant to help you achieve goals in the short-ish term. But of course, this doesn’t mean we’ll have solved every challenge or anticipated every barrier you might encounter. Luckily, the skills, resources and tools your coach has guided you through will serve you as you continue on your path. As you proceed through sessions, your coach will guide you through integrating these awesome new skills into your everyday life.
Your First Sex Coaching Session Awaits
Remember: Your sex coach isn’t here to change you or “fix” you. Their job is to guide you as you explore and embrace who you are, what you like, and what you are capable of. This will deepen your self-intimacy and help you discover what experiences, expressions, and connections you want to have.
Ready to go from “I might need a sex coach!” to “I’ve booked my first sex coaching session”? Book a free consultation below!
