The Most Impactful Mindset Shift You Can Make Today
There’s this weird idea that many of us grew up with - that pleasure (and things like orgasms) are something given to you by someone else. And that any exploration or discovery we make about those things are for the benefit of making your pleasure more accessible or achievable by someone else.
And while I don’t disagree entirely - you can’t tell your partner what you want in bed if you don’t actually know! - this idea takes away from the deeply rewarding and powerful relationships that we can create with ourselves.
It’s the reason why I’m a self-intimacy coach and only work with individuals (whether coupled or otherwise). Especially for folks socialized as women, we’ve learned to form our identities and experiences in relation to others. We love ourselves so that we can love someone else. We strengthen our sexual desire so that we can better engage with our partners.
But what about for the benefit of ourselves? I believe we are full, entire sexual beings unto ourselves and we can have deeply fulfilling and satisfying lives of pleasure all our own.
Many (even most) of my coaching clients come to me because their sex lives with their partners have floundered and it's impacting their relationship. This is very real and important to address - and we spend a lot of time talking about it.
But the thing that makes the biggest impact? Getting to know and enjoy ourselves as the end goal. I find that once your mindset shifts into “my pleasure for the sake of my pleasure” you find yourself experiencing this joy throughout your life, not just in the bedroom.
How can you find ONE way to feel pleasure today, just you? Could be standing with your face in the sun, could be advocating for a few quiet moments alone OR it could be trying out a new toy in bed.
Whatever it is, know that it is deeply valuable time spent on the most important relationship you have - the one with yourself.
