Why I’m an intimacy coach that doesn’t work with couples.
When I began soul-searching how I wanted to approach my coaching work, I knew I needed to draw boundaries around my offering. One of the first decisions I made was a declaration to my partner, “I do not want to work with couples!” He smiled, knowing he was in for a heady explanation (he gets me) and said “Ok, ok go on…how does that even work?”
It was actually quite simple:
Independent achievement: I wanted to empower women to take ownership over their own pleasure, and to enable them achieve their goals without being reliant on their partner taking some action.
Self-Identity: People socialized as women form their identities in relation to others (“a great friend”), while people socialized as men form their identities based on their interests and accomplishments (“a strong writer”). This prevents us from seeing our selves as a whole, beautiful system in its own right.
Pleasure isn’t reliant on relationship. You can have a wonderfully fulfilling, healthy and active pleasure regardless of your relationship status. Additionally, when we approach intimacy from a couples lens we treat the system of the couple, and lose sight of the individual human. I want women to grow their relationships with themselves - and we may get off course if we are addressing your relationship.
In short?
Women tend to focus their love an intimacy on others - it’s how we are socialized - and not on themselves. I want to talk about YOU YOU YOU and help YOU achieve YOUR desires. I am sure we will talk about your partnership(s) in the course of our work, but my philosophy is designed just for you.
There is infinite love to be gained from ourselves, regardless of our relationship status. We only need to begin.
(There are plenty of wonderful relationship coaches and couples therapists out in the world who do the important systemic work needed to build, grow and heal a relationship. I’m happy to make a referral if needed.)
