3 Quick Ways to Stop Feeling So Dead Inside

Are you feeling a bit lost? Does the daily grind leave you feeling emotionally empty, unsure of who you are anymore? Can’t remember WHAT you like or want, let alone communicate it to someone else?

You're not alone. You’re not broken. Many adults, especially women in their 30s and 40s, find themselves caught between the needs of family, careers, and the ever-present "shoulds." But here's the good news: it's never too late to reconnect with yourself and reignite that inner spark. We contain multitudes that evolve all throughout our lives and it’s never too late.

Why We Feel Empty

Life is..well..a lot. As we grow older, we are tasked with increasing numbers of responsibilities both inside our homes and out. Between family obligations, work demands, and the constant pressure to "do it all," it's easy to lose sight of ourselves - we are so focused on the needs and desires of others we rarely stop to think about the needs and desires of ourselves. This disconnect can lead to a feeling of emptiness, a sense that something is missing. Because it is! We are! We have removed ourselves from our daily equation.

Adding Yourself Back Onto the List

The key to feeling yourself again is to actively reconnect with your body, mind and spirit. I use the word “actively” very intentionally. We may be tempted to simply add “take a walk” or “movement” onto (usually the bottom) of our list and hope that solves our woes. It takes commitment, introspection, and honesty, but it doesn’t have to be “hard”. I promise all of my suggestions are achievable and, gasp, ENJOYABLE, so you will be tempted to do them again.

Here are three easy ways to get started:

• Face in sun, feet in dirt* for three minutes. Now breathe. Stay still. Listen. What sounds do you hear? What sensations do you feel? What about smells? Consider what you’re attracted to and what you dislike. When you open your eyes take a step without thinking about it. Find yourself gravitating towards your next pleasure, whatever it may be. If you want to up your motivation, make a note on your phone or a post-it of what that alluring thing was. When you find yourself lost go towards it and complete this exercise again. And then take another step…Keep doing this and you’ll end up with a library of little pleasures to enjoy. (*If it’s cold please wear shoes!)

• Take your time. Often in life we get into routines (read: ruts). Interrogate the stories you tell yourself about what you have “time for”, what you have a right to, what you deserve, or what you are “allowed”. Is it that you don’t have five minutes to spend on yourself or is that a story you tell yourself? Instead of taking five minutes of time where no one else needs you, I challenge you to pick a time you would normally be occupied by others and, if you can safely do so, walk out of your house. Stand on your stairs, try the above exercise or simply stare into the distance. When you return you may find that nothing catastrophic has occurred. Next step: an entire weekend away solo! (right?)

• Start a Self-Love Log. This is going to be the hardest one for some of you out there. Many of us find compliments and accolades for the folks we love flowing from our brains, but couldn’t think of one thing we like about ourselves in the moment. I’ve got two prompts for you to journal on:

  1. My favorite things about myself. Every time it even barely occurs to you that you did something cool, interesting or impressive, write it down. Like everything else, complimenting ourselves takes practice. Consider it like exposure therapy - the more you do it the easier itll get!

  2. My favorite things about my best friend. Here’s the thing. Oftentimes the things we admire most about other people are the traits we most value and wish for ourselves. I’d be willing to bet that those things that stick out, that you think are so great, you embody as well. If they don’t? Hey, thats ok - how cool that you have a friend you admire.

  If all else fails, ask your loved ones: if you could describe me in one word what would it be? (If they say a negative word they probably aren’t a very good friend and I don’t like them.) Write them allllll down and look at them when you’re feeling crummy.

Remember, it’s a journey. There is no human, no matter how confident and wonderful they seem, that feels awesome about themselves all the time. I cycle through feeling awesome and crap multiple times a day! Do not judge yourself - be as kind and generous to yourself as you are to everyone else. You’re worth it.

Find yourself feeling lots of feelings? Maybe like none of this will work and all hope is lost? Totally stuck and can’t even start?

Schedule a free 30-minute consultation with me. I promise to tell you at least one awesome thing about you by the end.